Post your best C++ jokes, poems, stories, etc.

[Kiana]

A boy is smoking, irritating a girl who says, "Smoking's bad for you, don't you see the warning on the package?" The boy responds, "I'm a programmer. I don't give a shit about warnings, only about errors."

Sorry, that was kind of unrelated.

[firedraco]

What a nub, I always compile with the warning level at max. (Too bad boost has warnings in some code otherwise I would use warnings = errors)

[QWERTYman]

http://www.fullduplex.org/humor/2006/10/how-to-shoot-yourself-in-the-foot-in-any-programming-language/

^ Full of awesome and win

[helios]

My favorite one is missing.

Haskell
You shoot yourself in the foot and nothing happens. The next time you try to walk, your foot becomes a mangled, bloody mess.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lazy_evaluation

[chrisname]

Only an idiot would ignore warnings!

A surefire way to produce buggy code. "Warning: You're an idiot. Please learn a loosely-typed langauge where it doesn't matter so much."

Mr. QWERTY; I agree with your deduction, sir.

"Perl
You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you."

So true...

[QWERTYman]

LISP

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

[Duthomhas]

I like this one:

/* This example program expects that string constants to be stored
 * in WRITABLE memory.
 *
 * The GCC 4.x series no longer allows this -- so this program will
 * not compile for the latest GCC.
 *
 * On the GCC 3.x series, compile with the -fwritable-strings flag:
 *
 *   gcc -fwritable-strings -o stupid stupid.c
 *
 * For other compilers, your results may vary.
 */

#include <stdio.h>
#include <string.h>

int main() {
  printf( "%s\n", strcpy( "Stupider", "Stupid" ) );
  return 0;
  }

[JCED]

LISP

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Sorry to be a party-pooper, but this applies to LISP just as much as it applies to C or even Python. LISP is not a primarily recursive language, and if you think so, you've probably not used LISP, but Scheme (although admittedly a LISP dialect, I assumed LISP to be Common LISP).

[JCED]

An OS written mainly in a functional language would be very interesting.

Done years ago. Ever heard of the LISP machines?

[helios]

I assumed LISP to be Common LISP

I assumed

Crass mistake.

Done years ago. Ever heard of the LISP machines?

Yes, but I was thinking something written to a) work with modern hardware and b) written to run on something younger than me.

By the way,

Ever heard of the LISP machines?

There's something about that phrasing I don't like.

[JCED]

Yes, but I was thinking something written to a) work with modern hardware and b) written to run on something younger than me.

In that case, I'd like to see something like that too. Particularly 'b', since I have no way of procuring something that old.

There's something about that phrasing I don't like.

Hmm... What if I prepended a 'Have you'?

[chrisname]

OOOOOH
THAT WAS MEAN.

This isn't fair... how come Perl gets all these stories and good jokes? We only really have the ones on the GNU website =[

[JCED]

OOOOOH
THAT WAS MEAN.

What was mean?

[chrisname]

I was joking, but the way you said "I have no way of procuring something that old" :O

[JCED]

I was joking, but the way you said "I have no way of procuring something that old" :O

Oh :)

[helios]

This is what happens when you don't quote what you're replying to.

In any case, yeah. It's hard enough to find equipment from the early nineties. From the eighties, it's basically impossible unless it's in a museum or something.
Lisp machines were outperformed at running Lisp by the cheaper x86 during the very early 90s and manufacturers went out of business only a couple years later.

Wikipedia fails to mention whether LMs were garbage or the x86s were brilliantly engineered.

[JCED]

Lisp machines were outperformed at running Lisp by the cheaper x86 during the very early 90s and manufacturers went out of business only a couple years later.

:D I didn't know that. That's pretty funny.

I only read the first paragraph of the article. Otherwise, I'll incessantly click on links to other Wikipedia articles.

[Null]

The longest possible function definition:(i hope so)

__stdcall __cdecl inline volatile static const unsigned long long int function();

hahaha

[chrisname]

What about parameters? That could become:
__stdcall __cdecl inline volatile static const unsigned long long int function(unsigned long long int, unsigned long long int, unsigned long long int, unsigned long long int /* etc... */);

[R0mai]

what about
__stdcall __cdecl inline volatile static const unsigned long long int& function();
hm?
or a bit cheating
__stdcall __cdecl inline volatile static const unsigned long long int *********/*...*/******function();