Zombie Apocalypse - For Real

[chrisname]

Yeah.

[Veltas]

Britain doesn't have a constitution because of its Imperial History that the founding fathers and Americans throughout history despised. In fact, I feel it is to do with the government at the time being very controlling and not wanting any forced opposition that was to do with not having firearms, but the US government was set up around the perspective of the opposition; the rebel, so I think there was no worry to US officials that guns would cause any trouble with government (although in the modern era this has proven to be less safe).

Americans now picture guns among the many rights that make them free, so taking them away would be impossible without serious disillusion. Us Brits, on the other hand, are just happy we don't have guns so we don't have the temptation to blow our neighbour’s head off every day.

An interesting point, however, is that getting guns in the USA is almost too easy, and irresponsible people can access them with little hesitation (not that there is no control, which there is, but I say not enough). Whereas in the UK we can get guns, but need a good reason and need to come completely clean from criminal records checks and other appropriate layers. Maybe this is a better situation?

Oh, and guns are probably the worst weapons to use against Zombies, that's something video games and movies don't tell you. They need ammo, they attract attention, they can create bone shrapnel that will likely turn anyone hit into a zombie, can't be used close-range, and can make people lose themselves in the heat of the moment.

So what are good weapons? Well, clubs. I'd say swords but unless you've had at least three years experience with a sword of some kind (which in today's world, most people haven't), then you aren't fit to use a sword and are a danger to yourself and anyone around you.

Do we want planks of wood with nails in them? Yeah, if you've got a backup in case it gets stuck in a Zombie's skull. I wouldn't recommend it though, getting hurt accidentally with a nail will turn you into a Zombie likely. Metal pipes are probably among the best clubs. Or for the lightweight alternative an aluminium bat. Remember that most Zombies are pathetically weak corpses that will be destroyed with a good blow. After a corpse has been left in the rain for a few days I've heard that you can accidentally step through it. Also, bones left in weathered conditions will partially turn into jelly, making what's left weaker and more brittle. So your number one nightmare is going to be a freshly made Zombie, although it is likely that Zombification in real life would be a lot slower than in the movies too, so that means that it is unlikely that fresh zombies will cause too many problems, if any at all.

Are islands safe? No, islands are not safe. Zombies are immune to drowning, funnily enough, and will partially float near the surface of the water anyway. Far-off islands will be safe, since swelling would occur in Zombies travelling in water to the point when they swell their brains beyond being able to function even at zombie level. This is good and bad, since although saving some, the putrid water created could spread the disease, although how the disease would exist is unknown so it may not be harmful in water at all (but I wouldn't count on it).

Are traps a good idea? No, we don't know how much Zombies will know, so they might detect the traps and then do the unexpected, easily catching you off-guard. Even if the Zombies are immensely stupid, traps are a short-term solution, lasting anywhere from once to a few times, against hundreds of undead. In short, not worth the time needed to set them, or the valuable resources used to make them.

What to make of my fellow man? Don't see others as potential Zombies, remember the sheer strength in numbers. The more people you're with, the less likely you are to get killed, and the more likely you can repel any onslaughts. This is another good reason why guns are a bad thing, very few people in the UK have access to guns, but in the US people will always being looking out of the corner of their eyes, on edge, around other citizens whom will likely have guns as well. Competition for resources is a terrible thing that will cause conflicts between men, and a good reason not to travel in groups. Nevertheless, being in a large group is still often better, and tactful hunts will provide most resources necessary (whether hunting in a store or in a forest).

What kit should I take with me? Well, metal pipes, but also a good strong backpack, containing a wind-up radio, flasks (thermos or milk bottle alike, for water or if you need to drink your own piss), mini-sleeping bag (or/and a small tarp for making a mini-tent, and tarp has other uses), staple tinned food, a small pot, matches (if necessary tear off striking strips and place elsewhere and snap matches in half to save space), candle (for wax, and simple light or flame), magnifying glass a good idea if you have one, lighter (has flint if fuel runs out), needles (small to large), thread (strong), a couple of scalpels, a flexible saw (can be rolled up for storage), and of course; a condom.

Remember that you are worth at least twice as much as a backpack and that your knowledge of orientation, survival, the local area and common sense are far more valuable than anything in your backpack. Except water, not drinking that shit will kill you.

Don't forget a small medical kit, with water sterilising tablets (if available, can be used when unable to boil water), antihistamine for allergies, analgesic, diarrhoea medicine (look forward to that), potassium permanganate (add to water, until pink for steriliser, until deeper pink for antiseptic, until red for fungal infections). And a luxury assortment of plasters, and super glue. Super glue can mend people too, you know.

You may want to have a utility belt, aside from being quite cool, they allow you to carry things separate to your backpack, like petrol, which is good for starting fires. Or hell, a lunch pack, in case you don't want to unpack everything whenever you're pekish.

And that was a joke earlier, never drink your own piss. It will kill you faster than save you. And if you're dehydrated and find water, make sure to drink in small sips first, and then larger gulps when you're up to it. Dehydrated and starved people have this irritating tendency to vomit when given a lot of water quickly I've found.

When it comes to food tins make life easier. You can get a lot of important food and nutrients from tins. It doesn't hurt to bring proper chocolate in small amounts, provided it doesn't melt (not cheap crap like Cadbury's or Nestle). And I don't know about you but I'm bringing some Bird's custard for when we find milk, I hate drinking milk.

I advise you plan a rally point with your friends and people you don't hate so that you can meet close-by before heading off into the wilderness and the fuck away from densely populated areas. Oh, and you'll be going by foot, it's likely that the roads will become impassible. If you or someone in your group owns a plane, or better; a boat, then you will definitely want to hop on one and head to the nearest oil rig or wherever it is that planes can fly to and is safe.

If you're in the military, then for once you actually have a higher probability of surviving than civilians. Luckily for you, you have a superior to follow orders from. If you are the superior and need to be giving orders just remember your Zombie training from week 2.

If anyone has any suggestions for improving the factuality and usefulness of my post please say so.

[king214]

If you're in the military, then for once you actually have a higher probability of surviving than civilians

I think this depends on how desperate the situation would get. If it's a small out break, then yeah your probably not going to die, but if things just fall to pieces and people are getting infected left and right then civilians are probably going to a bigger threat than zombies. All it takes is one guy to lose it and think that everyones infected before he goes on a killing rampage.

Are traps a good idea? No, we don't know how much Zombies will know

Depends on the trap. The most intelligent humans can still be trapped.

traps are a short-term solution

The trap doesn't have to kill the zombies, if you can disable them to the point where their stuck in a hole I would say the trap has done it's job (clean-up can come later).

a condom

use it wisely =P

Oh, and guns are probably the worse weapons to use against Zombies, that's something video games and movies don't tell you. They need ammo, they attract attention, they can create bone shrapnel that will likely turn anyone hit into a zombie, can't be used close-range, and can make people lose themselves in the heat of the moment.

I feel like I should give guns some justice here so:

1. (depending on what your using) has range. You don't risk your-self as much because you don't have to get as close.

2. Can be used againest humans. Not that you should masacar people, but what happens if you come across a "outlaw" who's holding you at gunpoint.

I'll say your right for the most part though, with more cons than pro's. Can't hurt to take one or two sniper rifles along though.

Also if you have room and going to a humid area I'd bring a solar panell and De-humidifier(never hurts to have another source of water), that is if your planning to go to a compound or build one.

mini-sleeping bag

I would take a tarp of some sort to sleep on so you had somthing designed for multi-purpose-ness.

end of my rant... now!

[anonymous23323124]

Okay people. We need to spread the word on this one. Move it to the articles section and start posting about it on all popular social networking sites. We need to undo the bad work done by countless films and video games. We can help everyone help themselves, before the zombie apocalypse strikes... WHICH IT WILL :P

As for improvements, low caliber rimfire semiautomatic weapons are good for zombie headshots (Zombie Survival Guide...)

condom

C'mon. We're going to need to repopulate a post apocalyptic world... ;)

[Veltas]

I think this depends on how desperate the situation would get. If it's a small out break, then yeah your probably not going to die, but if things just fall to pieces and people are getting infected left and right then civilians are probably going to a bigger threat than zombies. All it takes is one guy to lose it and think that everyones infected before he goes on a killing rampage.

Nah, I'm pretty sure that won't happen.

The trap doesn't have to kill the zombies, if you can disable them to the point where their stuck in a hole I would say the trap has done it's job (clean-up can come later).

I had considered this. Good opportunities for pit-traps are often not worth the place they protect, and whenever you compromise you'll find bodies pile up quickly and the zombies will escape.

a condom: use it wisely =P

They can store a pint of fluid, can be used for water-proofing small vitals. Or if you have a dirty mind, then they can store a pint of fluid, and can be used for water-proofing small vitals.

1. (depending on what your using) has range. You don't risk your-self as much because you don't have to get as close.

2. Can be used againest humans. Not that you should masacar people, but what happens if you come across a "outlaw" who's holding you at gunpoint.

When you're close enough to fire a gun at a zombie and make a kill, then you're only a few seconds from range anyway. And switching to your pipe takes time, and can cause you to hurt yourself on the 'dirty' end of the pipe, which is often slightly sharp, leading to zombification. I'd never use a gun against a human I considered an outlaw (who am I to judge?), unless they threatened me with a gun in which case it is too late to use a gun anyway and you're more likely to survive by submitting to their orders. In fact having a gun will more likely get you killed for the reason of suspicion from said criminal.

I would take a tarp of some sort to sleep on so you had somthing designed for multi-purpose-ness.

Good idea, I'll edit that in.

[Veltas]

As for improvements, low caliber rimfire semiautomatic weapons are good for zombie headshots (Zombie Survival Guide...)

I've never read this 'zombie survival guide', but I can tell you firstly that medium-high caliber rimfire semiautos are more appropriate for the fragmentation of a Zombie's head, and as I maintain you people are not trained soldiers (unless you are a trained soldier, in which case you're a trained soldier), so you won't be able to take out the zombies. You might be the crackshot at the local firing range, but under pressure and against moving targets which you know will slowly and painfully kill you if given an inch, you'll falter, and don't feel bad for it because everyone does. You need to keep a cool head and make use of your trusty metal pipe.

Along with everything else I've said about guns further up this thread.

Also, remove the illusion of security with distance that the sniper rifles give you, you're just a sitting duck. And don't think they'll come from one direction, either.

[Veltas]

I'd like to take the time to address some of the other issues with earlier comments. Some of you think it appropriate to wear body armour. I think you'll find that armour isn't as helpful as it seems, and only the very best armour should lend you a sense of security rightfully. I'm not, of course, talking about medieval armour at all, which is quite simply a bad idea. It is very restrictive and a simple swipe will find itself to the hinges and lacerate skin, causing infection and zombification. Chainmail is also pointless, as stabbing will easily go through the best of chainmail. Leather armour, as you call it, is actually a very good idea. I'd wear it. But armour isn't necessary; if you can keep a cool head you can defend yourself easily with your attacks, unless you're swarmed, in which case you're fucked anyway.

If you're being swarmed then don't even think about parying, you need to think about getting yourself unswarmed and fast since your survival depends on it, which is another reason why I maintain that densely populated areas are the worst places to be.

[chrisname]

Veltas wrote:

Chainmail is also pointless, as stabbing will easily go through the best of chainmail

Stabbing with what? Zombies don't use weapons.

[king214]

@Veltas
When I was referring the keeping a distance with a gun, I didn't mean a pistol I was more or less talking about Rifles.

Also just to add a little to the conversation: I would think that the best strategy would to be to avoid zombies, and if you must engage, then eliminate them with a crossbow or if you know how to use it, a bow(and arrows). Just for silence.

[chrisname]

Clearly the best solution here is to acquire a laser (use magnets for faster acquiring). Lasers are silent and powerful, and if used in a sweeping motion, they can cut hordes of zombies in two!

[anonymous23323124]

An excellent plan. Sadly I expect high energy lasers are quite heavy and energy intensive :/

silent

buzzzzzzzzzz? High energy also usually means inefficient :P

[chrisname]

Ok, maybe this will explain: http://i55.tinypic.com/33ok6kl.png

[anonymous23323124]

Ohhhh ;) I think that zombie head might be even better than the trollface.

[chrisname]

It's the forever alone face.

[Veltas]

Aw shucks, was at school. I'll quickly answer all yo' queries:

Stabbing with what? Zombies don't use weapons.

I should have elaborated, depending on how they got there or how they were made they may be missing hands or limbs in general, with jagged bones betraying their skin. This is the pointy-ness I feared.

When I was referring the keeping a distance with a gun, I didn't mean a pistol I was more or less talking about Rifles.

Also just to add a little to the conversation: I would think that the best strategy would to be to avoid zombies, and if you must engage, then eliminate them with a crossbow or if you know how to use it, a bow(and arrows). Just for silence.

'Avoiding Zombies' contradicts what you just said, since if you were keeping distance then firing at the Zombies with a pistol or crossbow is certainly not avoiding them when you could simply run away and escape, and that is actually the argument I would use against a pistol or a crossbow, because whenever you have enough range to use them it would be a better idea to run away first.

Thinking about it, at times you may be defending a base of some form, and if a lone zombie is stumbling towards you from the distance you don't wanna run up to it and tackle it. This is one good (and unfortunately rare) situation where having a rifle would be good. In actual fact, it's so uncommon and easy to get around anyway, that having a gun or a crossbow isn't worth it.

Clearly the best solution here is to acquire a laser (use magnets for faster acquiring).

Sad to say I recognised that immediately. *forever alone*

I mentioned earlier swords or sabre type weapons would be impractical, without immense training. It just so happens that today I found out that one of the people in my school is well trained in a whole bunch of martial arts including use of a katana and a spear. I asked him about a quarterstaff and he said no, but he does actually own a sword. I mentioned the whole zombie scenario and he agrees that you need the training or else a club type weapon would be best. He said, however, that he would definitely use his sword. I'm not really sure why he owns a sword, or how he managed to fit in all the eastern martial arts (he isn't exactly with peace of mind), so I'm doubtful if even with the training he's that great, but he seemed pretty confident. I suppose fighting with a sword would entail decapitating, which requires horizontal blows which are admittedly dangerous to people close by, but ideally you'd be fighting spread-out anyway. If you were effective enough then a sword would be fine.

A point to consider about fighting with a sabre is unlike club weapons where generally they are very massive and you can easily build up momentum for your blows, instead a sabre is more reliant on you applying great force along with speed. Although it seems tiring to use a club-type or bludgeoning weapon, using a sabre would probably exhaust you faster. As we don't know how long fights last, I still recommend a metal pipe.

*In metal pipe we trust*

Also, where are you going to get a crossbow from? If you have a crossbow, can I be your new best friend please?

[king214]

'Avoiding Zombies' contradicts what you just said, since if you were keeping distance then firing at the Zombies with a pistol or crossbow is certainly not avoiding them when you could simply run away and escape, and that is actually the argument I would use against a pistol or a crossbow, because whenever you have enough range to use them it would be a better idea to run away first.

Thinking about it, at times you may be defending a base of some form, and if a lone zombie is stumbling towards you from the distance you don't wanna run up to it and tackle it. This is one good (and unfortunately rare) situation where having a rifle would be good. In actual fact, it's so uncommon and easy to get around anyway, that having a gun or a crossbow isn't worth it.

What happens if a lone zombie is blocking your path to safety, and it's moans will give you away, and a gun shot would be even more betraying, Thus I regress, the crossbow.

Call me old fashioned, but I can't imagine a zombie "war" without some sort of longer range weapon. I completely agree about swords being just as good if not better than guns in most cases though. I just think it would be wise to have at least one member with a crossbow or rifle.

NOTE: Perhaps part of the reason we are disagreeing about this[the need or lack of a need for guns] is that I'm portraying the zombies in my head as the kind set forth in the Zombie Survival Guide, and according to said book, a zombie will hunt for noises it hears and moan upon the sighting of prey. Meaning that charging at a zombie(I hope you wouldn't do this anyways) will cause it to moan and attract more zombies from the surrounding area.

[D80DSL3A]

In our age of enlightened ethical values, all creatures are to be considered as equals.
Why do zombies have to be the bad guys?

Perhaps the passage of a few equal opportunity laws (and placing a few of them in important government positions) would pacify them.
We could all live in peace.

[chrisname]

If there were zombies in government, we'd end up with a "2015 Brainsssss Act" or something.

[king214]

In our age of enlightened ethical values, all creatures are to be considered as equals.
Why do zombies have to be the bad guys?

Should of known we'd see your kind around here soon...

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/generic/e51e/

[Veltas]

I have to admit I'm finding it hard to see the Zombie Survival Guide as a very serious or thought-out book.

I'm gonna have to read it though 'cos you guys are quoting it like the friggin' bible.