Taking Offense
Normally, someone intentionally offends someone else. However, here in America, there's this thing where instead, someone takes offensep from something that is not meant to offend anyone.
To me, this is absurd. However, I see it everywhere. It's on the news. It's in pedestrian gossip. I hear and see it everywhere I look. People even try to avoid doing things that create these sorts of reactions (which can, in a reverse-reverse-psychology-kind-of-way backfire and be offensive, such as calling Christmas Trees "Family Trees" to 'void offending other religions').
What's going on? Why do people take offense like they want it?
To me, this is absurd. However, I see it everywhere. It's on the news. It's in pedestrian gossip. I hear and see it everywhere I look. People even try to avoid doing things that create these sorts of reactions (which can, in a reverse-reverse-psychology-kind-of-way backfire and be offensive, such as calling Christmas Trees "Family Trees" to 'void offending other religions').
What's going on? Why do people take offense like they want it?
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I find your problem with my sensitivity offensive.
LOL
[edit] It's because people want to be right about everything, and find their error to be less tolerable than other's 'misunderstanding'.
LOL
[edit] It's because people want to be right about everything, and find their error to be less tolerable than other's 'misunderstanding'.
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I don't think sensitivity is the right word. In my experience people actively seek out something to be offended by just because they want to take offense from something. It doesn't bother me; I just can't understand why people do it.
closed account (D80DSL3A)
Perhaps also because there are such widespread strongly held opposing views here.
The example you gave is a good one. Call it a family tree and you piss off conservatives for pandering to the left. Call it a Christmas tree and you piss off liberals for religious discrimination. So often it's a lose either way. Is this unique to american culture? Perhaps in its extent.
I think "hello" is still largely OK with both groups though.
EDIT: Don't follow that with "Nice weather today, isn't it?" because that just started a debate on global warming.
EDIT2: Considering how common it seems to be that people hold their views very strongly (ie. fanatically), I sometimes wonder how soon our next civil war will occur.
The example you gave is a good one. Call it a family tree and you piss off conservatives for pandering to the left. Call it a Christmas tree and you piss off liberals for religious discrimination. So often it's a lose either way. Is this unique to american culture? Perhaps in its extent.
I think "hello" is still largely OK with both groups though.
EDIT: Don't follow that with "Nice weather today, isn't it?" because that just started a debate on global warming.
EDIT2: Considering how common it seems to be that people hold their views very strongly (ie. fanatically), I sometimes wonder how soon our next civil war will occur.
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I find this to be because you expect people to talk in a certain way that's meant to not be offensive. When people no longer care whether or not they offend you, it becomes quite obvious, even in text.
Also, people have a tendency to infer things, then ignore the inference simply because it's convenient.
Also, people have a tendency to infer things, then ignore the inference simply because it's convenient.
Well, that's why I follow this philosophy:
If someone brings up something that, in a discussion, would offend, completely disregard it and keep talking. If they didn't intend to offend, no damage done. If they did, you just completely destroyed the purpose of their point and made yourself look better as a result. It's a win-win.
If someone brings up something that, in a discussion, would offend, completely disregard it and keep talking. If they didn't intend to offend, no damage done. If they did, you just completely destroyed the purpose of their point and made yourself look better as a result. It's a win-win.
Taking offense is so rampant for the same reasons that people become so irritated by people who disagree with them, and also that people belittle, or bully people, and that people believe what they want to believe, and that people are bias and ... and almost all of our flaws. Our egos. People are self-centered egotistical maniacs.
closed account (Gvp9LyTq)
| htirwin wrote: |
|---|
| People are self-centered egotistical maniacs, |
I have said many times said that I wish I was judged by what I intended and not by what is heard. I honestly believe that people who take offense at the drop of a hat are often just those people who can't intellectually keep up and really the best way to handle it is apologize for almost everything even when you are right and no offensive was intended; unless it is one of those "principle" things.
My personal problem is learning most of my principles shouldn't be principles.
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I understand where you're coming from. I believe this is what we call "politically correct". But lets be honest, calling a Christmas Tree a Family tree is stupid. All people who put an Evergreen tree in their house,and then decorate them with ornaments, are following Christmas tradition. If you have one and don't celebrate Christmas than what you have is well...AN EVERGREEN TREE.
Some people are really just assholes though,they'll try to offend certain groups in a lot of ways and get mad at them for being easily offended.
Some people are really just assholes though,they'll try to offend certain groups in a lot of ways and get mad at them for being easily offended.
Being "politically correct" is something that came about as a result of the shift from giving offense to taking offense.
You guys seem to be talking of two extremes. As with everything, the answer is somewhere in the middle.
Consciously being aware of how your actions affect others' emotions is not some new development. It's commonly been known as "manners" and it's been around for centuries.
Yes we could have a civilization where everyone acts like jackasses without necessarily trying to offend other people. Or we could also live in a civilization where everyone has to walk on eggshells to avoid accidentally offending other people. Both extremes suck.
Know the company of the people you're with. If you are with people who offend easily, then be more cautious about what you say around them. If you don't like doing that, then don't hang around those people. If you're with people who don't take offense at anything then go ahead and fire off all your racist or other kinds of offensive jokes and have a good laugh.
"Political correctness" is essentially "political pandering", and is the result of politicians, media personalities, and other high profile people not wanting to alienate anyone by accidentally being offensive. They're trying to "play to the audience" by playing it safe. It makes sense in a public speaking context, but doesn't really make sense in day-to-day speech with your peers.
There's nothing wrong with taking offense if someone says something that offends you. I've been offended by people who said something shitty even though I know they didn't mean it. And I'm sure I've accidentally offended people when I didn't mean to. All of these things are inevitable and are merely part of coexisting in a diverse society.
So what do you do when you accidentally offend someone? Apologize and let them know you didn't mean it.
What do you do when you get offended? Shrug it off, or let the other person know and they'll probably apologize. If they keep doing it (deliberately or not), either accept that they're not trying to be offensive, or stop hanging around them so much.
EDIT:
As for blaming social media -- yeah you could say it's partly to blame... but probably not for the reason you think.
Before the internet and social media most people were not exposed to nearly as much, so they were comfortable in a relatively small and homogeneous social circles. Social media makes the world smaller because it bridges communication between a much much larger group of people.
More people = more diversity
More diversity = more chance to offend someone
Consciously being aware of how your actions affect others' emotions is not some new development. It's commonly been known as "manners" and it's been around for centuries.
Yes we could have a civilization where everyone acts like jackasses without necessarily trying to offend other people. Or we could also live in a civilization where everyone has to walk on eggshells to avoid accidentally offending other people. Both extremes suck.
Know the company of the people you're with. If you are with people who offend easily, then be more cautious about what you say around them. If you don't like doing that, then don't hang around those people. If you're with people who don't take offense at anything then go ahead and fire off all your racist or other kinds of offensive jokes and have a good laugh.
"Political correctness" is essentially "political pandering", and is the result of politicians, media personalities, and other high profile people not wanting to alienate anyone by accidentally being offensive. They're trying to "play to the audience" by playing it safe. It makes sense in a public speaking context, but doesn't really make sense in day-to-day speech with your peers.
There's nothing wrong with taking offense if someone says something that offends you. I've been offended by people who said something shitty even though I know they didn't mean it. And I'm sure I've accidentally offended people when I didn't mean to. All of these things are inevitable and are merely part of coexisting in a diverse society.
So what do you do when you accidentally offend someone? Apologize and let them know you didn't mean it.
What do you do when you get offended? Shrug it off, or let the other person know and they'll probably apologize. If they keep doing it (deliberately or not), either accept that they're not trying to be offensive, or stop hanging around them so much.
EDIT:
As for blaming social media -- yeah you could say it's partly to blame... but probably not for the reason you think.
Before the internet and social media most people were not exposed to nearly as much, so they were comfortable in a relatively small and homogeneous social circles. Social media makes the world smaller because it bridges communication between a much much larger group of people.
More people = more diversity
More diversity = more chance to offend someone
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That's makes a bit more sense, but I still think people can control whether or not they feel offended. Before I learned what was actually important in life, lots of things used to bother me. Now almost nothing bothers me.
| Before I learned what was actually important in life, lots of things used to bother me. Now almost nothing bothers me. |
I'd like to say that about myself as well, but it'd be a lie.
If I'm in a room and another guy in earshot is talking about slapping girls around or tricking them into sleeping with him, I'd get upset and think he's an asshole. Which I would consider to be getting offended.
Obviously that guy didn't mean to offend me because he didn't even know I could hear him, and I probably would just have no choice but to shrug it off and move somewhere where I could no longer hear him.
| I still think people can control whether or not they feel offended. |
Emotions are difficult for a lot of people to control. Saying "don't get offended" is like saying "don't be sad". How can you help it if you get sad?
EDIT:
A better thing to say is that people should respond more responsibly/intelligently after they've been offended.
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| I take a fence to this topic. |
I hope it's a white picket one, because it'd deserve it.
Relatedly, my favorite phase to hate is "No offense, but..." because what it means is something along the lines of "I'm about to say something hateful/mean/crude/hurtful but I don't want any consequences for it."
My next favorite (but not in the same way, if that makes sense) is "sorry". You can instantly fix anything with that.
No offense, but yo momma so fat she don' ride da bus, da bus ride her!
Hey! I'm gonna beat the snot outta you!
Oh, sorry man. I was jus' playin'.
Well, I guess it's okay.
@Disch: maybe it's a bad example, but that sort of situation would not offend me at all. I'd definitely consider reporting it to the police, but I would feel no personal offense.
| Duoas wrote: |
|---|
| Relatedly, my favorite phase to hate is "No offense, but..." |
Mine is "Now, I'm not racist. But..." Because it almost invariably is followed by something incredibly racist.
The guy who's lived next to my parents house for as long as they've lived there is in his late 70s. We talked politics once when I was visiting during college. He started with that statement and finished with "Whenever the blacks are in power things go straight to shit."
It's a result of the political left's creation of "politically correct" speech, which is just the name they give to speech-that-never-names-anything-what-it-actually-is-because-those-who-use-it-are-sissies.
So, they do assinign things like calling Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees", or Muslim terrorists "terrorists" or "radicals" (keep in mind the Muslim terrorists actually say they do it in the name of Muhamad and Allah).
So, they do assinign things like calling Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees", or Muslim terrorists "terrorists" or "radicals" (keep in mind the Muslim terrorists actually say they do it in the name of Muhamad and Allah).
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