C++ Jokes!

[modic]

Place your funniest C++ jokes here :D

-legit

[ResidentBiscuit]

To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.

This is an oldie, but a goldie:

THE PROGRAMMER'S QUICK GUIDE TO THE LANGUAGES

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.

=====> TASK: Shoot yourself in the foot.

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyway because you have no exception-handling capability.

Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.

LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.

Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to explain it to you.

BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%

Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.

Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little bullet-thingies are for.

Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

CLARION: You tell your computer to create a program for shooting yourself in the foot with a .22, but unfortunately, it only provides ammunition for a rocket launcher. Once you go into the source to fix the program, you find relevant proof that JFK really WAS shot by Lee Harvey Oswald.

JOVIAL: You go find the compiler writer and shoot him in the foot.

PL/I - You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but a third foot is secretly allocated before either of the previous two has been freed. You are then informed that a foot has been shot, with no indication given as to which one.

[modic]

LOOL NICE!!!

[modic]

This one's not so great :P

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!

[ResidentBiscuit]

I just saw that one earlier actually. Pretty clever.

[modic]

Thanks :D

[modic]

Again, a not so good one.

if (HoursWastedProgramming >= 9000)
     cout << "GET A LIFE.";
else
     cout << ":)";

[modic]

So I got in trouble with my teacher by talking during class. She told me to write "I will not talk during class" an infinite amount of times. She though it would have taken me forever, until I wrote this on the board.

#include <iostream>

using namespace std;

int main()
{
     while( 1 )
     {
          cout << "I will not talk during class.";
     }
     return 0;
     cin.get()
}

[LB]

She then proceeded to make you write "I will not place statements after return statements" an infinite number of times, correct?

[modic]

Lol.

[ResidentBiscuit]

@LB, heh. Think you upset OP

[modic]

Then I wrote:

#include <iostream>

using namespace std;

int main()
{
     int TeachingLevel;
     char Teacher;
     cin >> Teacher;
     if (Teacher == MyTeacher)
          (TeachingLevel = 0);
     else
          cout << "You have a smart teacher!";
     return 0;
     cin.get()
}

[Catfish2]

C++; // make C bigger, return old value

[LB]

@legitiment1337 The number of things wrong with that program leads me to believe you are trolling us.

[modic]

Lol what do you mean?

[LB]

legitiment1337 wrote:

#include <iostream>

using namespace std; //you should get out of this habit

int main()
{
     int TeachingLevel; //consider using an enumerated or unsigned type instead
     char Teacher; //this is for ONE character, not a string of characters
     cin >> Teacher; //takes in ONE character, does not check for errors
     if (Teacher == MyTeacher) //MyTeacher is not declared in this (or any) scope
          (TeachingLevel = 0); //parenthesis around assignment are invalid
     else //this and above are one-liners, should be written on one line or should use braces {}
          cout << "You have a smart teacher!"; //forgot to use std::endl
     return 0; //chance that TeachingLevel was never initialized properly by this point
     cin.get() //missing semicolon, statement placed after return statement
}

[cire]

Who's trolling now?

//parenthesis around assignment are invalid

Superfluous in this context, not invalid.

//this and above are one-liners, should be written on one line or should use braces {}

That is entirely a matter of personal taste. Yours doesn't agree with my own.

//forgot to use std::endl

std::endl is quite over-used and there's no reason to use it here.

[LB]

Just trying to have an influence on code I might have to read years later :p

Now for a (very lame) joke:
void *p = 0; //null and void
Well, that wasn't very funny.

[zb0S216C]

// Move the iterator 10 places...
int SomeIterator_( ... );
for( int I_( 0 ); I < 10; ++I_, ++SomeIterator );

// Make it look like the program is doing something...
for( int I_( 0 ); I_ < 100000; ++I_ );

Bad, I know.

_Wazzak

[BlackSheep]

unsigned will;
will = (void *)0;